so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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