I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this just has baby written all over it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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