you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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