the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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