i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
