did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
