Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it because I queefed?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
