This is not my ceiling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
