We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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