To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
