What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
