I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
