the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
