i may or may not be watching the land before time
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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