so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
