1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
