I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
