i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
