I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
