this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
