I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
