He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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