I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
