I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
