nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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