Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
