So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
