If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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