this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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