Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
