I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
