My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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