Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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