i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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