I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
