What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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