I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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