That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
...so i touched it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
