Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
