We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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