Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
