you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
