I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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