And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
