I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
