i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
