I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can text with my tongue
my shit smells like andre
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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