I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
