I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My ATM looks so different sober.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
