Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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