I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
please don't ironically join a cult
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