Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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