I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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