Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
