If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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