i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
