i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
