end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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