somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
