the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am available for nakedness
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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