i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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