Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
