I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
