i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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