Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
