Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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