We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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